Tobias collected over 200 beads. The Beads of Courage aims to ‘transform the bedside experience of caring for children and teens with serious illness through innovative Arts-in-Medicine Programs.’ They surely did that for us!
The day after Tobias was born was the first time I got to see him in the NICU. The NICU was a daunting place that could be really overwhelming at times; machines flashing and beeping, the clinical calm and intense quiet of the ward, not to mention all the medical equipment that was keeping your baby alive! Sometimes I would get a bit too much. Then out of the corner of your eye would you see this tiny little clear bag clipped on the bedside with bright and colourful beads. Just for a split second you could forget where you were. The intrigue to find out what beads your baby has gained. The colours and shapes would almost becoming soothing and I threaded them onto the string, one by one, remembering how strong my little baby was. And on the day where you would get a bead that you hadn’t had before.. well… that could be quite exciting. (NICU does funny things to you!)
As the beads start to mount up, the feeling of accomplishment begins to creep in, you whisper words of praise to your baby and congratulate them on overcoming another treatment or milestone.
It has been over 3 months since Tobias passed away. For 3 months I have found such comfort in these beads. I knew I wanted to display his beads somewhere they could be celebrated and so that when I am having a bad day I can be reminded of his strength in the hope that he can somehow pass it onto me. Today was the day I managed it.
I created a frame using all 200 of his beads, it is bright, colourful and a perfect reminder of the best days of my life, by his side, being his mum.
Puzzle Pieces of my Heart 