‘Infant loss group.’
2 Months after losing Tobias and I am wondering how people do it. By ‘it’ I mean life. How do people live life after baby loss? I would wake up every morning wondering how to motivate myself, what to work towards now, what should my goals be, what was the point in anything if I couldn’t have my baby with me?
During our journey at Addenbrookes we met some amazing people that blessed us with kind words, friendship and support when we needed it most. Strangers became good friends in seconds. Living in the hospital meant that we met other parents in similar positions, we were able to share our worries together, support each other and even celebrate milestones some others might see as insignificant. When you share your moment of holding your baby for the first time, dressing them in clothes or coming off the ventilator, a ‘normal’ mum just doesn’t understand the feeling. It was so lovely to share in the excitement with others.
On my quest to find other parents once we left NICU I went in search for a facebook page. The ones I came across were always ‘Pregnancy and Infant Loss’. I never understood why both circumstances were always coupled together, it isn’t the same thing. Reluctantly I joined a ‘pregnancy and infant loss’ support group online and I now have a much better understanding of the similarities. However, I still stand by my comment, ‘it isn’t the same thing’. Initially I didn’t want to join these groups as I would have felt awful telling everyone about my hospital stay or how difficult it was to watch my baby cry when some parents never even got to see their baby. But now I understand that not many parents actually care what others put, for most (including myself) it is just a space to share stories, photos and memories with other parents who do not shy away from the subject of baby loss.
With this in mind, I have found it somewhat difficult to listen to the 50 posts a day on these HUGE facebook pages. In the early days I found comfort knowing that others are sharing the same emotions and I am not alone, however, more recently I have found the sheer number of parents experiencing the same thing so upsetting. I cannot believe so many people are struggling with the affects of baby loss. What I once thought was a place where I found comfort in others stories, it now scares me of how common it is for families to be destroyed by baby loss. As a result of this, I have created my own ‘Infant Loss Group’ on facebook, a smaller more intimate group used for building relationships with the few members it has. To share memories and become part of each others journey.
One member of the group has already had such an impact on my journey. We met at Addenbrookes and have been able to meet up again since. We often share difficulties, memories and good times too. We support each other where many others cannot and I am so blessed to have her and her beautiful daughter often in my thoughts.
Puzzle Pieces of my Heart 